Already got asked if we're dating
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
