I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
