cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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