Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize