I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
