Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
