she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
