Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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