I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
