Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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