i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
