how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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