I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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