I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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