dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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