My underwear smells like fireworks.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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