Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
