Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.

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  (336): i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night. http://tfl.nu/mqbm
  Replies (18) Good night (960) Bad night (3618)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse

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  (702): And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse http://tfl.nu/oibh
  Replies (11) Good night (1459) Bad night (3378)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.

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  (425): Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts. http://tfl.nu/1fhj
  Replies (112) Good night (1555) Bad night (4496)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

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  (919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume. http://tfl.nu/gckc
  Replies (46) Good night (13455) Bad night (1119)
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  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (6174) Bad night (928)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

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  (419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g
  Replies (7) Good night (4131) Bad night (1298)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic

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  (859): Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic http://tfl.nu/ciqa
  Replies (1) Good night (789) Bad night (2135)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.

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  (512): Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box. http://tfl.nu/wxom
  Replies (7) Good night (3069) Bad night (949)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.

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  (651): If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches. http://tfl.nu/ldak
  Replies (13) Good night (1397) Bad night (2506)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.

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  (651): pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there. http://tfl.nu/jyzf
  Replies (6) Good night (3032) Bad night (940)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.

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  (403): You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck. http://tfl.nu/6fxi
  Replies (4) Good night (1452) Bad night (556)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.

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  (937): Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward. http://tfl.nu/uvqx
  Replies (6) Good night (1189) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.

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  (302): This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/72c6
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's celebrate that I used a condom

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  (425): Let's celebrate that I used a condom http://tfl.nu/rejy
  Replies (2) Good night (463) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"

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  (402): Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!" http://tfl.nu/nmzl
  Replies (1) Good night (415) Bad night (190)

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