Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'

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  (518): Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine' http://tfl.nu/z72n
  Replies (7) Good night (2588) Bad night (563)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.

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  (540): I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune. http://tfl.nu/4goo
  Replies (9) Good night (1300) Bad night (2822)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.

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  (778): i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome. http://tfl.nu/42ph
  Replies (15) Good night (2461) Bad night (716)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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  (704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf
  Replies (54) Good night (3767) Bad night (2691)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.

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  (248): he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast. http://tfl.nu/sg9r
  Replies (32) Good night (1017) Bad night (7053)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.

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  (414): and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you. http://tfl.nu/lmfo
  Replies (27) Good night (6471) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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  (734): Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half. http://tfl.nu/b8ev
  Replies (29) Good night (4439) Bad night (1249)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.

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  (678): When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick. http://tfl.nu/i6to
  Replies (23) Good night (6143) Bad night (1332)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.

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  (608): This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat. http://tfl.nu/hchn
  Replies (2) Good night (1237) Bad night (414)
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  (958): View more from

  her vagina just converted me to Judaism.

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  (958): her vagina just converted me to Judaism. http://tfl.nu/z5ti
  Replies (5) Good night (1281) Bad night (485)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.

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  (303): My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you. http://tfl.nu/ugo1
  Replies (19) Good night (778) Bad night (1563)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement

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  (501): All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement http://tfl.nu/xfgv
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (327)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet

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  (856): We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet http://tfl.nu/nuyk
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (351)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.

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  (830): Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true. http://tfl.nu/sjks
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (433)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that

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  (830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that http://tfl.nu/26i3
  Replies (1) Good night (330) Bad night (239)

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