Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.

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  (423): Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/w5j3
  Replies (37) Good night (4114) Bad night (1026)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

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  (206): There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out. http://tfl.nu/5rrz
  Replies (43) Good night (4658) Bad night (1087)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists

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  (317): Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists http://tfl.nu/xgub
  Replies (11) Good night (3145) Bad night (671)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

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  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (16) Good night (9764) Bad night (1014)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (873) Bad night (3036)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

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  (713): Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order? http://tfl.nu/nfxj
  Replies (2) Good night (2731) Bad night (909)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

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  (902): I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother. http://tfl.nu/s7ce
  Replies (7) Good night (4253) Bad night (941)
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  (315): View more from New York

  There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

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  (315): There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy http://tfl.nu/q2vq
  Replies (6) Good night (1861) Bad night (3339)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.

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  (804): My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/bitm
  Replies (11) Good night (2960) Bad night (1222)
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  (562): View more from California

  well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed

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  (562): well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed http://tfl.nu/ggi5
  Replies (13) Good night (2064) Bad night (607)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.

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  (609): if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened. http://tfl.nu/us8v
  Replies (7) Good night (1170) Bad night (552)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.

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  (920): Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/df8w
  Replies (3) Good night (435) Bad night (1424)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape

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  (318): There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape http://tfl.nu/a8x6
  Replies (3) Good night (473) Bad night (1232)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.

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  (443): Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her. http://tfl.nu/t8u7
  Replies (0) Good night (486) Bad night (350)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job

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  (618): I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job http://tfl.nu/40h9
  Replies (6) Good night (275) Bad night (550)

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