Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.

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  (805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle. http://tfl.nu/34ph
  Replies (64) Good night (1102) Bad night (3102)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.

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  (253): I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/jjfn
  Replies (13) Good night (4798) Bad night (945)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

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  (786): Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful? http://tfl.nu/pwsi
  Replies (9) Good night (882) Bad night (3550)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"

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  (208): when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers" http://tfl.nu/yspu
  Replies (6) Good night (4978) Bad night (609)
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  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
  Replies (7) Good night (5289) Bad night (1116)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

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  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1428) Bad night (6473)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

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  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (7032) Bad night (1214)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in

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  (614): Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in http://tfl.nu/9ss7
  Replies (14) Good night (3488) Bad night (735)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.

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  (561): They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment. http://tfl.nu/ozel
  Replies (7) Good night (1305) Bad night (2193)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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  (570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them http://tfl.nu/2e8h
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (518)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined

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  (561): I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined http://tfl.nu/31mt
  Replies (2) Good night (843) Bad night (475)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.

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  (386): He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck. http://tfl.nu/cvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (1940) Bad night (538)
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  (949): View more from California

  i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.

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  (949): i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed. http://tfl.nu/mfiw
  Replies (7) Good night (816) Bad night (793)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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  (757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu
  Replies (5) Good night (1256) Bad night (497)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.

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  (920): You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands. http://tfl.nu/ucsy
  Replies (9) Good night (318) Bad night (985)

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