TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
