I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor