the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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