Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
