We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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