The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
