All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
