i don't like sucking hair
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
