It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize