According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
