I puked a lego.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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