the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
