why didn't you poke me back
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
