I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
