i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you bring me the toilet please
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
