It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this just has baby written all over it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
