if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
