Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
