Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
