The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.