he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail