I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday