I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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