It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
