I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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