the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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