Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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