My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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