just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize