I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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