I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
