I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
