White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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