but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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