my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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