My nipple is on Facebook.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
