what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
