My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
