thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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