He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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