I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
