moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
